It's finally starting to hit me that I'm going to Mexico. For so long it's been referred to as "as my junior year abroad" or "next year when I'm in Mexico" and now its "Next week when I'm in Mexico..." I've gotten to spend a lot of time this summer with the other BSIB (International Business) students in my year, and we all say the same thing: We just can't believe it's actually here. We've all spent our college careers preparing for this year, talking it up to everyone, and now we actually have to go through with it! It seemed almost fictitious for a while, like some hazy adventure that seemed too distant to ever really think about. Not that I haven't been thinking about it, but I think reality has officially hit me. And reality feels scary and exciting and nerve-wracking and wonderful all wrapped into one big ball that was thrown directly at my stomach.
I think I know the exact moment that it hit, too. I was packing up jewelry today, trying to figure out what I wanted to take and what I wanted to leave in storage, and all of sudden, I felt really overwhelmed, because here I am in July, picking out jewelry that I may not even use until February. But the thought that I had to think that far in advance completely blew my mind! And its just jewelry! In the scheme of things it doesn't really matter what I take or leave, but I just felt so nervous, worrying that I would come to a point where I wanted something, then knew I couldnt' have it b/c it was in a completely different country.
I feel like I have heavy boots - that feeling where you're just kind of dragging yourseflf around, not really happy or sad, but you just do things a little slower because you feel a little overwhelmed. And I'm really split emotionally. I'm extremely sad to leave Boston, but at the same time I know it's my time to leave Boston; I'm at total peace about it. I'm sad to leave all of my friends, but I'm so thrilled at the thought of making new ones. My emotions are being pulled in every different direction! I feel like I have to tiptoe around my own feelings, because I never know how I'm going to react to a certain situation. Like the jewelry scenario...I was just going through jewelry and all of sudden I felt the impact of what I'm setting off to do and I felt like I could just cry right there. And then I thought I'd for sure cry at my last Sunday at my most favorite church, and instead I left extremely happy (probably because I loved the message and left feeling like I had another confirmation from the Lord about Mexico and was filled with such hope for people in my life who don't know Jesus ). Regardless, my point is that I just don't know how I'm going to respond to things. I thought for sure I'd have cried at least 10 times by now (I'm such an emotional person....some people say cry baby, I say 'sensitive'), but I've only cried once. I guess it's not fair to judge how much I'm going to miss something by how many or how few times I've cried, though. I guess I think that the more crying I do now, the less I'll do when I miss everyone when I'm in Mexico...my mind is a crazy thing.
Anywho.... My parents are here for the week helping me pack up my apartment. I'm really happy they're here. It's nice to spend time with them even if it is in the depressing context of moving me out.
I have 4 days officially left in Boston, and 6 left in the United States of America. Wow...
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10 years ago
